Sad Week

Hello

I really hope that all of you are having a better week than I am having.  Have you ever been bombarded by bad things in your life all at once?  I know in the bible Job was surely bombarded much worse than I have been and that gives me the encouragment to know that God is in control and that everything that is happening in my life has been sifted through His loving hands.  He never leaves me nor forsakes me.  He uses all things for good for me.  I will see the work of His hand in causing all these things to happen.  I am reflecting today that I need to pray to learn quickly all the lessons wrapped in all these trials so that they will be over and I will not experience them again.  Do you know what I mean?

December is tough for me........really really really tough.  I am struggling to try to make December better this year but I have not had a good start.  December is the month of the year that I am always very conscious that I do not belong anywhere.  It always makes me very sad.  I hope that Will and I can start a new pack of December traditions that will remove the fear of December in me.  He is working nights all month though so I will not see him much this month.  Daulton leaves next week for his Mom's for the Christmas break.  I am going to spend the lonely blocks of time seeking God's fellowship. 

December 2 is the anniversary of my Mom's graduation into heaven.  I am secure in the knowledge that I know where she is and I know she is much better and happier there.  I miss her lots though this time of year because it has been two years and I can still hear her voice in my head exclaiming joy at the first snowfall, giving me advice on how to winterize everything, admonishing me to cover my head, put on house slippers and to not go out of the house with a wet head.  I am smiling while I am typing this to you because I really can hear her in my head. I miss her.

This week we had our first snowfall of the year and it was lovely to wake up to.  I have several employees sick so I had to work but then I caught their yuckiness and was running a fever so I could not attend the blessed TMBS Christmas luncheon yesterday.  Monday we found a hen had frozen to death in the snow.  She was Lucy Goosey and I feel like a horrid mother because I was at work and she was cold and I was not here to help her.  Yesterday, I went out into the little storage room where my outside dogs live and found one of my Mom's dogs, Taylor had died in the night.  I do not know what she died of.  She was only five.  I had bought her for Mom when she had first been diagnosed with cancer so that she would have a little puppy to bring her joy.  She did her job admirably.  I am sad that she has died though.  Daulton helped me bury them yesterday afternoon.  I was glad that Taylor can be in heaven with Mom. Yes, I am a person who believes that all dogs go to heaven whether it's scriptural or not.  I base this on God loving all of His creatures and in my own pollyanna way, I need to believe that I will see my beloved dogs in heaven.  I think that when I am heaven and discover that it might not be true, I will be in heaven and it will not matter to me by then.  Yesterday, one of our neighbors sadly committed suicide.  Yesterday was a completely awful day and to have a day like that with a bad cold and a fever........oh well, today is another day.  The sun is shining, the Lord who loves me is seated on His throne in heaven and I have many blessings to count. 

Today, Wednesday, I am taking Will to the dentist to have some major work done on a terrible tooth that is hurting him.  He is afraid of needles and they are going to need to give him anything possible to help him not freak out. 

I have serious doubts about my abilities and my worthiness for anything today. I do not feel like I am doing anything well so I ask those of you reading this to pray that God will speak to me in my quiet place and help me to yank myself up out of the doldrums and seek God's shining face in the midst of these trials.  Crisis is not fun.  My sister said in her blog this week that crisis makes her run back to God and see the blessings of life with new fervor.  I know lots of people in this world are disappointed in me today.  I really need God's strength to help me to be a person who even I can be thankful for. 

Sorry I had to vent in this blog and write these thoughts.  I hope you can read it and be thankful that you are not having the week that I am having.

Tracy