Free-style Saturday

Good Afternoon Everyone

I am enjoying a gorgeous day here.  There is a beautiful breeze blowing with cool temperatures.  Will mowed the lawn for me yesterday and it looks lovely. The chickens and guineas are contentedly scratching in the grass for bugs, chattering.  He also removed the large willow tree that had fallen during that recent storm. I am in the mood to cook today.  Will brought me groceries yesterday and I always feel creative in the kitchen when my fridge and pantry are full.  I am not sure what I will create but will try to post a recipe later.  I made some AMAZING sweet and sour chicken over rice the other night and I really want to post that later today.

Will says he did his chores yesterday. He has another new metal detector, that makes three.  I have a feeling he and Daulton will be heading to the creek.  He texted his brother and friend Box so I am thinking a man-camp is in the immediate future.  He bought a brisket for himself yesterday and he can go to the camp and smoke it and hunt treasures with the guys.  Perfect day for it for sure.  He took the CDL, Commercial Driving Test yesterday to qualify him for a promotion at work and passed the two parts he had studied for.  He will finish the last part on Monday. Here are his metal detectors, all three water proof.

Will has Tesoro Tiger Shark, Daulton has Vibra probe 580 pinpointer

 

This is a bad photo of the new one the Vibra Probe730

 

 

 

Yesterday, Will took me on a ride on his 4-wheeler.  It was perfect weather for it.  It felt wonderful.  We went to look at the lake that is on our property.
Our resident rodent has cut down lots of trees.  Will is on the hunt now to trap him before he wrecks all the trees.  He is a nutria rat.  We know he's there because one day last year, Will and I were shooting turtles and it dove in to the water.  We named him the swamp monster but this is what he looks like.

He's tearing up our fishing hole!!!! We googled him and found that they were originally brought to the US for their meat and fur but the markets dried up and people turned them loose.  I think I need a smoked nutria rib while wearing my nutria fur hat!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.  I am not going to hang with the guys today because my energy is still terrible and my lungs have left the building so I have no air.  I enjoy days like this.  Cooking, bible study, windows open, chickens cackling, peace and quiet.  mmmmmmmm, perfect.

Intimidation :) and goals

Today was a lovely quiet day.  I was sitting here in front of the computer and thought I would leaf through other people's blogs and ended up feeling terribly intimidated.

Those of you that know me, know that I am creatively challenged and craft/sewing phobic.  There are so many blogs that are really beautifully designed.  The lives of the people writing them sound idyllic, organized, filled with love and perfect.  The ladies represent the "virtuous woman" that Solomon wrote about in the bible.  They do so many things, it makes my mind spin.  I also feel like such a failure that my life is not so virtuous. I decided that I would take stock of what I do and then make some goals to try to make my home better. 

From being an accountant for 22 years, I realize that time is a finite resource.  I have work that takes up a chunk of time.  I help run my Mom's convenience store which requires about 18 hours per week of telephone calls. I also work when employees are not available but that is thankfully intermittent now. I have my accounting clients that I brought with me to Oklahoma from California and doing their work and consulting on the phone takes 15 hours per week on average.  I have my passion serving God, designing and administrating a new children's bible study which takes 18 hours per week on average. Feeding and caring for my animals and property takes about 10 hours per week on average.  So lets see, doing my daily work takes 61 hours per week on average. These responsibilities cannot be compressed so I need to take this chunk of time out first.

I will be honest about what I need to do.  My Mom passed away in December 2009.  I am living in her house and I have not done a thing to sort through her massive amounts of stuff.  I also have not brought my stuff into her house. I have not repainted.  I have not boxed and shipped stuff to my brothers and sister that I think they should have.  It is overwhelming to think about tackling the magnitude of stuff that is here.  I NEED TO TACKLE IT. My nesting instinct got broken when I was married.  I was not allowed to even unpack the wedding presents, buy a rug, hang a picture yada yada.  I need to find a way to rekindle that desire in me.  Yesterday my friend Judy and I went into this store that had the most adorable stuff in it.  My house in California was exactly how I wanted it and I loved it.  Much of what I had to decorate with is here, just boxed away.  This store had cute stuff and they are going out of business and I want to go shop their 50-75% off sale for Will's house but it seems shameful when I already have so much stuff.

I would love to be like the women in these blogs.  They have perfect families. Their lawns and gardens are picture perfect.  They have homes with lovely porches.  Their homes are clean, organized and outdoors not one thing is out of place judging by their photos they post.  They can what they grow, bake bread from scratch weekly, make yummy food and baked goods everyday. They write amazing blogs complete with creative backgrounds and photos of all kinds of stuff. They make rugs, pillows....all kinds of stuff.  I asked my Mom when she wanted me to have her fancy sewing machine that the only thing I could accomplish well with it is to club a burglar over the head with it.  I do well to do the stuff that I MUST do to keep life going, but I want to organize my time and energy to tackle this.  I am going to ponder this and if anyone has any suggestions, I think i fixed my blog so that anyone and everyone can leave comments or fb me and give me a next thing to do.  Thank you for reading.  I am not sure if hardly any people read this but I enjoy writing it.  Have a wonderful weekend.  Will is off!!!!! The weather is perfect, I get to mow the lawn, I get to be outside.  It will be wonderful. 

To Hell and Back Continuation

After much prayer and soul searching, I have finally figured out how to continue my Hell and Back blogs.  I am going to summarize the "Hell" and give much detail on the "Back" part.  I canceled this series of blogs earlier because I was on the brink of telling the story between 1970 and 2000. The thirty years of Hell.  I am anxious now even typing about it and realizing that it was 30 years.  That is a very long time.  I want you to know that there are some really positive experiences and relationships in the midst of the Hell.  I truly believe that those positive experiences and loving relationships are the only reason that I am "Back" and am able to type this to you.  I can see God's hand in all aspects of Hell to shape me into who I am today and who I am still to become. OK, prayer, deep breath, heart pounding, here we go.

First the facts.  My Momma died September 1969. There is a big black hole in my memory from the day that the ambulance took her until Christmas Eve 1969 when my Dad brought a lady to the house and told us she was going to be our new Mom.  They were married February 14, 1970.  She and her three sons came to live with us.  Our family was expanded to six children, 2 girls, 4 boys. Our ages were 6,7,8,9,11,13.  We became a blended family. 

My Momma's mother that we called Mama (pronounced Meh mah) and stepfather Papa lived next door, actually about 100 yards away.  It was God's amazing grace that they lived next door to us. They were God's gift and the grace God had to have us remain living there helped me know there was love in the world.  There are good memories with my family like many vacations, showing livestock and being in 4-H, riding horses with my sister, cousins and friend, playing with my siblings and playing with my cousins.

I went to college and had 4 years that were a welcome respite from the Hell of home.  I had a boyfriend, Brett, who was the rock of my life and outside of Will is still my best-friend.  I had fabulous roommates but often our living situation resembled an episode of "The Real Housewives of....."  I was not saved, not a Christian.  I was severely dysfunctional and damaged and I did many many things to my boyfriend, roommates and friends that I will be eternally sorry for.  I wish I could have that time back as the person that I am now and could take back the hurt that I caused people that I still love.  Mikki, Jan, Karen and Brett if I hurt you, I am so very sorry. I know that I did hurt you and I really have deep regrets for my own behaviors.  I got married when I was 25. I lived in his house 12 years.  I left him February 21, 2000. That's the 30 years.....and 7 days.  

I do not want to detail these 30 years.  I am not able to in this media.  I want though to describe in general some of the things that happened in that 30 years that caused deep damage to me emotionally and psychologically.
There was binge alcoholism in our family. There was mental abuse and physical abuse in our family and in my marriage. There was conditional love in our family and in my marriage.  There was triangulation in our family (explained later). There was deception and betrayal in our family and in my marriage. We were never allowed to appropriately grieve the death of our Momma. I was bulimic for 28 years. There was severe manipulation and control in our family and in my marriage.

You might be noticing many of the same things occurred in my family as did in my marriage.  I did not consciously seek a husband that was like my father but the person that my father had raised me to be attracted that man.

I was a compliant avoidant from a very early age.  I strived to be accepted. I needed to be a caretaker and a peacemaker.  I thought in my ill-equipped mind that if I could be perfect i.e. self-sufficient, smart, skinny, funny, charming, athletic, hard-working, a great cook, obedient, and/or out of the way, life would be good.  I learned to be a chameleon to please everyone.  I had an ugly streak though and if I drank (which I did) and was a little depressed before drinking, I could be vicious.

I learned by experiencing criticism and rejection from family and husband that my emotional needs were unimportant and were signs of weakness. I stuffed my needs, my emotions and put on the happy face.  The happy face is a common characteristic of adult survivors of alcoholic or abusive parents.  I learned to be a skilled liar.  I learned that I did not matter and was not ever going to matter.  I over-extended myself constantly by promising lots more than I could deliver and ended up breaking promises often.  In other words, I was someone that no one would want to be in a relationship with.  At first, I was perfect because I was a pleaser but unless the other person was a taker or control freak, the dynamic didn't work.  Reaching into my soul was like reaching into a black hole.  When I was 12, my Dad told me that I had better develop a great personality because I am not pretty and I developed a personality that pleased whoever I was with. 

In the midst of the 30 years, I was at rock-bottom as a result of the extreme abuse in my marriage and because of a lifetime of emotional damage. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and was saved. I was 30. Everything began to change at that very moment.  Everything externally was still Hell but the Holy Spirit dwelling within me and my study of the bible was keeping me alive and hopeful.  As I studied the bible, I realized that I could not change my husband so I would ask God to help me change.  I actually was still being a compliant at the time. I was asking God to help me become more lovable to my husband and to keep me alive and help me to survive until he loved me.  The Lord did amazing things.  I can still remember exactly where I was sitting and where in the Bible I read and was inspired by the Holy Spirit to accept responsibility for who I was and I could see for the first time who God wanted me to be.  I had so far to go though.  So very far.......

I was growing and changing.  I was learning that He was an amazing, awesome God and He loved me.....He loved me......He loved me.....He loved me so much He died for me.  I was created by God.  God was perfect.  God chose me to be saved and have eternal life.  God doesn't make mistakes.  If I tied all of these things together........dare I think it?.....No, I don't dare, but...........do I dare? Oh wow, if God created me, loves me, chose me, died for me and He is perfect and doesn't make mistakes, does that mean I am worth loving? No, it's too hard to hope for that.  I could not handle being wrong about this.......

In time, I started to have a little courage and took baby steps of belief.  I started out by praying that God would let me hear His Words as true and Satan's Words as false.  I prayed that when someone was critical of me that I would be able to distinguish what was true and what was false.  God opened my ears, my mind and my heart to the truth.  He taught me that it isn't what comes goes into a person's mouth that defiles them but it was what comes out of someone's mouth that defiles them.  Wow, what a thought, I could ask God to put a guard over my mouth so that I did not continue to hurt others and I could avoid taking other people's cruel, untrue, manipulative messages to heart. Life changing epiphany.

One evening, I was in my office and my husband came into my office.  We had a confrontation and he slugged me in the face.  I fell backwards against my computer cabinet and  as I opened my eyes, I could see the shock in his eyes.  He spun and turned around and left the office.  I had recently adopted a dog from a friend.  Her blessed name was Libby and she was the perfect dog, a Westie. When I called him a few hours later and told him I was leaving him, he told me that I was not going to be allowed to take anything out of the house except my dog (whose throat he would cut if I left her there) and my laptop computer. I had three suits at the dry cleaners and that was that.  I spent that night in a hotel afraid that I was going to go to jail for sneaking my little dog Libby in. You know me, never break a stinking rule. I did not sleep that night.  I had no where to live. I had nothing. I did not believe in divorce.  No one in my family had ever been separated or divorced.  I was so ashamed.  In my desire to please everyone, I was the biggest failure. 

I remembered about 5 am that my grandparents had left us property on the street where I had been safe until I was 7 and there was an old quanset hut that was on one of the properties next door to where my dear brother and sister-in-law and their children lived.  I did not know if it was still standing. I did not know if it was rented out.  I called my brother at work and I will never forget the sound of his voice when I said "Allan?". I am not a morning person, in fact, I have always been a VERY BAD morning person.  His voice registered dread and fear because something very terrible had to have happened for me to be calling him at 5 am.  I told him I had left my husband and had nothing but my dog, my computer and 3 suits and wanted to know if the quanset hut was empty and if so, was it habitable.  He said that it was funny I should ask because he and Jennifer had been to check on it and it was not terribly bad.
  I said "ok, I am seeing clients all day today".  I was an accountant and I was in the height of income tax season.  I said that it would be late but I would be over there and would sleep on the floor until I was off on Sunday and could go get something to get started. I asked him not to tell anyone in the family.  I was afraid of disapproval and reproach especially from my sister who was a devout Christian and was very opposed to divorce.  Two hours later, my office phone rang and my sister said "Trace?......" I was so scared in that moment, literally trembling because I did not know what she was going to say, but in the most loving, accepting voice, she said, "Allan called me and told me what happened.  Ron (her husband) and the kids and I are going to meet Allan and Jennifer at the quanset hut and we are going to clean it and there is a bed and bedding and towels that Mama and Papa left and don't worry about anything, we will take care of everything."

I did not know the magnitude of gratefulness that I felt, I think I was in shock until I got off work and went to the quanset hut.  It was dark, Libby and I were alone.  We walked into that precious little place and there was a rocking chair, a bookshelf, a comfy bed, a dining table, towels, dishes, pots and pans, even soap and paper towels and toilet paper.  I wept.....as I am weeping remembering it.  After weeping, I walked outside and sat down on a stump.  Every smell and sound was familiar.  This street was the only place that I have ever been safe in my life. I had been born on this dead end wonderful blessed street and had lived there those first 7 years and also the next 8.  I was home again.  The smells were so familiar and the old oil pumping unit was making the same sounds it had made when I was 6 years old.  God had me in His right hand and I could feel His hand in making everything work together for good.  I was on the road to "Back".....Mohawk Road.........

to be continued

Just pictures

Hi everyone.  I was outside taking pictures the other day with my cell phone and decided that I do not have so much to say today. 

I had bible study today.  I am the director of a children's bible study and today was so very cute.  I will share two things and then I will post the pictures.

Our lesson this week was from Genesis and focused on Cain and Able. During chapel time, the leader for today was talking about God and about what we should do if we get angry or sad.  One little four year old said, "God will wash it all away." She was then talking about God again and the same little boy stretched his little arms out and said, "I love God SO MUCH".  It was so sweet and cute.

I filled in for a leader in the 2 and 3 year old classroom.  I was telling story and I talked about how Cain only gave what HE wanted to give but it was not by faith and was not his first or best. God did not approve his offering.  I said that Cain became angry at God because his brother Able's offering was approved by God because it was by faith and because it was the first and best.  I asked the children to tell me what they should do if they ever get angry at their brother's or sister's or at God because of their bad choices? One little 2 year old boy said "I would say I'm sowwy (sorry)". How cute is that? I love doing this and feel so honored that I get to watch these children's relationship with God grow.

The Treasure Hunting Twins

I think it was a rusty nail :)

It was a cloudy day and I was walking trying to find Will and Daulton out behind my house in a grove of trees. I thought that the natural scenery even if dry was beautiful and so I am going to share what I saw.  I love nature.

The big barn

I'm hot and tired and I want to go home Mommy

I know there's something in there that I NEED

You mean to tell me that you don't have food with you?

 I had realized that I keep mentioning my horse but had not posted a photo of her.  Her name is Flicka and she thinks she is a dog.

I discovered a coil of barbed wire that my parents must have forgotten long ago out in the trees.  I thought that it was so interesting because it is at the base of two oak trees that have grown together yet apart.  There are old dry oak leaves but the vivid green of the newly fallen leaves.  The way that the barbed wire was twisted into an infinity symbol was really cool.  It would not be easy to do.  

It was a gorgeous day and it felt great to be outside.  I hope that you enjoyed having a window into my Sunday afternoon.

Storm and the Aftermath

Good Sunday to All!

I am feeling good today! Praise God and praise all my wonderful friends and prayer warriors for praying.  This is going to be a good week filled with an adventure or a blessing around every corner.

Saturday night we had a welcome thunder storm.  I am so thankful for the drenching rain.  I am from California though and lightening, thunder and high winds still scare me.  The lightening struck something really close to the house and sounded like a gunshot in the house.  The power went out soon thereafter and it was warm in the house so I opened my bedroom window and lay and listened to the cracks of thunder and the pitter-pat of rain drops on the fig tree leaves outside my window.  We had a casualty.  One of the curly willow trees was blown over but it did not damage anything.

I had to perform a chicken rescue at about 2am. The winds were howling and rain was blowing sideways. I went to check on Whitey and Cleopatra who are now residing in my backyard and roost up on the shelf above the gas grill. They were babies in May and it has not rained since May. We have not had a storm since they left the protective cocoon of their cage in the garage.  Poor Whitey had her little head up under Cleopatra and was shivering and blinking her eyes really quickly at me so I assumed she wanted to be rescued.  I snatched her off of the shelf and took her into my tack room and placed her gently on a planting cart.  I had the brilliant idea to try to rescue Cleopatra who is a Fayoumis chicken. She is not cuddly like Whitey who is an Americauna.  She pecked me when I tried to rescue her so she was allowed to brave the storm without my blessing! I am still afraid of chickens who peck me. 

Chicken Breed History:
The Fayoumi is a very old breed of chicken native to an area of Egypt southwest of the Nile called the Faium Governorate. They have been raised in that area since B.C. They were first imported to the west in the 1940's by a professor from the University of Iowa.

Will and Daulton spent all day yesterday treasure hunting and came away with pull tabs, coins, fishing weights and bottle caps.  A big haul.  I am currently trying to clean the corrosion off of the coins. I am trying Dawn dishwashing liquid, vinegar and baking soda.  Does anyone else have any ideas of something that removed corrosion?  I went to the creek for awhile and watched them.  They were using snorkels and diving masks and said that Boston the dog alerted them by being on the shore and barking and they looked and a water moccasin snake aka cotton mouth (venemous) was swimming across the water.  I am still unclear about whether or not it was swimming towards or away but Will (Johnny Ranger) was on the shore when I arrived attempting to smash the snake with a large brick.  He said it was nearly as large around as a soda can and about 5-6 feet long.  They can be aggressive in the spring time but it went and hid after he tried to smash it under a shoreline tree. He is much braver than I am.  I was nervous sitting on the shore watching them knowing there was a large snake somewhere in the water.

Drought, Rain, Birds and Treasures

Hello my few readers, I have not written anything in awhile because I have been ill.  I am on the mend now, dreading another six days of antibiotics (my second round) because they are ripping my stomach apart but better than the alternative.  I am back tonight though because of so many neat developments and observations, I had better write them down or my poor brain will forget them.

First, the drought of 2011.  We have not had any real rain since May and it has been severe and terrible for all the wild animals, the domesticated animals and the human animals.  I heard about a month ago that at that time, we needed 12 inches of rain to be able to see an end to the drought.  My pastures are usually verdant green.  I usually have plentiful bermuda and johnson grass and the wonderful man who leases my farm would have cut and baled hay several times by now in a normal year.  He has not been able to cut hay once this summer and has been having to feed hay since August 1.  They can't find hay for the livestock right now and so from Oklahoma and Texas record numbers of cattle are being sold off.

I have my horse in the back lot and in past years my dear neighbors Mike and DeeAnn sent their foreman, Jaren to brush hog (mow) the back lot because my horse could not eat all of the grass produced there.  This year I have had to resort to watering the backlot some; not so much for grass for my horse,  but to keep her from eating the grass down to the dirt and to make puddles for the birds and chickens to drink out of because it was so hot they could not drink the water out of their watering vessels. I had a water bill totaling $371 last month and this month's bill is $575.00, not easy to pay but I was trying to keep everything alive.

I discovered something very interesting this week.  I have 3 pear trees that have been LOADED with pears.  The pears were almost ripe when I checked them last week. I have been putting soaker hoses on my trees intermittently to keep them from dying.  This week I tottered out to see if the pears were ripe.  I was sick and thought a ripe pear sounded yummy.  I got out to my trees and there was not ONE pear on any tree, not ONE pear on the ground, not ONE scrap of a pear anywhere.  My first reaction was to be angry at the coons, possums, squirrels, wasps and birds but then I thought to myself how badly they must be starving and that the pears were better given to them than to myself.  There will be other years and lots and lots more pears for me.  I feel like I want to spend all my money buying feed to put out for the deer and other wild critters.  

Pastures that are usually a brilliant verdant green are not here

 

But today September 17, 2011 I awoke to thunder and lightening and glorious God-sent RAIN!!!

Serious Rain Clouds

Glorious Puddles

My neighbor said that she thought we received 4 inches of life-giving rain this morning and more is anticipated for tomorrow and Monday.  I can only praise my wonderful Lord Jesus for this drenching rain. 

I stood at my kitchen window watching the rain and puddles were just starting to form on the driveway.  The birds were frolicking in the puddles and bathing and preening.  All different kinds of birds.  I never have cardinals in the summertime but I even had a cardinal bathing in the puddles.  My chickens that I call my babies have not ever experienced rain before and I went out to let them out of their pen.  Half of my hens stayed in their dry hen-house but the other half came out and shortly they were soaked and looked like drenched rats.  I told Will about it and he said that he had always heard that chickens have brains the size of a pea but at least they have the sense to stay out of the rain....ha ha....only half of mine do.

I have a hen that has decided that she doesn't want to live with her sister hens anymore.  I have shown photo's of her before, she is Whitey. She has decided that she is going to dwell from now on in the backyard with my two dogs, DeeDee and Taylor.  I have carried her out to the hen-house once at night and the next morning she jumped right back over the fence to be with the dogs.  Another morning, I picked her up and brought her out to the front yard to be with the other hens and before I got back out to the backyard she was already back over the fence and hanging with the dogs. She roosts at night on the shelf that Will built me over the gas grill.

Whitey the chickdog

 
I have a chicken who thinks she is a dog.  I have a horse who thinks she is a dog.  I have dogs who think they are humans.  I think I need animal parenting skills.  I told Daulton that I need the dog Rex from the movie Babe to come oversee my animals to instruct them that they are not to fraternize with each other and that a chicken should act like a chicken and a horse should act like a horse and a dog should act like a dog.  I think now that we have had some rain and some green grass should grow maybe some normality will be returned to my farm.  I don't think the animals will behave without an intervention or shock therapy but at least the cows, deer, horses and chickens will be able to eat and aren't being baked alive day after day.

Will was off last weekend and is off this weekend.  I was too sick to play last weekend and this weekend I am working at the store so he has been learning to operate his metal detectors.  He picked Daulton up from school today and they went to Pennington Creek to search for buried treasure. 

Pennington Creek

A Pink stoned ring he found in the creek

He has a Tesoro Tiger Shark which is water-proof and a Vibra Probe 580 Pinpointer.  We experienced high drama checking the UPS tracking via smartphones, computers and satellite waiting for these two pieces of technology to arrive.  I was truly worried that UPS was going to experience an enraged dirt digger if they did not deliver his toys on time.  They have arrived though and he went to his friend Box's yesterday to show off his technology and skill and discovered these wonderful treasures.

Does anyone know what this tin pot is? I don't know whether it would be a rouge pot or a compact.  The quarter is a 1942 silver.  Cool huh?

 He is really enjoying himself and so I am very pleased.  When I have my energy restored, I am planning on being the trusty assistant.  We get to be outdoors, moving and together.  Our definition of a perfect day.

As I am hacking up a lung, I will say good night to all, I hope you enjoyed the weather today wherever you are as much as I did.  

PS, Kessie, for you, here is one photo of an arrowhead that Will found in the sand piles.

Arrowhead from Will's Sandpiles

Eggs Eggs and More Eggs

My dear little baby hens are almost all online for egg production and since the weather has cooled, they are really laying.  My neighbor Johnny texted me this morning and said that she broke open an egg that didn't have a yolk.  I told her she has hens that lay egg whites!

My windows are open and they rest during the day under the fig tree outside my bedroom window.  I can hear them chattering while I have been sleeping since I have been sick.  It's so peaceful.  I can hear the guineas chirping and talking to each other too.

My hen Whitey has been a character since she was a baby.  She was always the one that escaped out of their box and now she gets in Wills truck if he isn't careful.  She also comes in the garage if I am not careful and tries to eat the onions I have stored there.

 
This past weekend, Will repaired one of my hen boxes that my parents had in one of the hen houses that had rusted out bottoms and hung it in the newer hen house so now we have 10 more nests for the chickens to lay in. 

I don't know how long it takes before all the pullet eggs are as large and regular chicken eggs.

I hope you all have a lovely day.  Cherish the simple things and ask the Lord for the peace and love that He has for you.